Why Stretched

Money wasn't something we had a lot of growing up.  Our family never lived in extreme poverty, but there were lows and highs.  I have four younger sisters, I'm the oldest any only boy.... I don't know how many times in my life I've said that but I hear my mom saying at the sametime.  I think that is going to be the last time I say it.  I'ts been so condensed and repeated, it just falls out of my mouth... it feels like I'm trying to talk with a mouth full of cum and the words just slip past my lips and dribble down my chin. 

Whenever my parents would get money they would always say we have to "Stretch our money"  which really means "we don't have enough money".  My mom would always emphasize the word with a frown shaped like a smile "SSSSTREeeeeTCHHHH!"... So much was said... yeah I could see it in her face she was tired, I hear my dad trying to ignore it with a mumble and a long stare at his computer monitor... 

That word still makes me cringe, makes me remember why I got a vasectomy, why I like having a job, why not playing for childcare is worth not sleeping, why there is no god, why stability and control matter.... 

I guess we're all testing our tensile strength and sometimes I feel like I'm a miniature condom slap on to a Ron Jeremy replica dildo.   Maybe this is what the blog is about, being on the verge of breaking, hoping that if we try hard enough it will get better.  This is how I feel and how the world is feeling, 99% of us are anyway.  

First Blog

I wonder how many first post are called "first Blog"... Goggle knows I'm sure.  So what am I going to talk about, will I get personal, and will this be real?  Who the fuck knows I'm just going to write, and if you read it then I hope you don't mind spelling and grammatical errors.  For the sake of writing I'm going to pretend that some will read this one day.

So I guess an intro would be good, an intro really is just a list of things and people I "have" in my life... it really is hard to list it all, but I guess if you're going to get to know me then I should just say things and not feel weird or embarrassed about it all.  For the sake of this post I'll just keep it about me as in current.  I'm sure I'll dive into my past one day.

I am married to amazing, beautiful and smart woman.  Her name is Carmen and I would do anything for her.  I know that is a thing people say and now I'm going to tell you about how, "we're like so in love all the time and how we met in Paris under the Arch De Triumph..."  yeah that's us.  Look here's the truth, we got married for medical insurance.  If you're American and reading this you probably went over that last sentence without blinking, but for those you who live in a country where people have worth it probably sounds weird.  The story doesn't end there, or start there. It has turned into more than I ever thought it could have.  She's my best friend and so much fun to be around being with her makes me smile and has made me grow.

Carmen and I have an amazingly cute and extremely crazy son.  I am fortunate to be able to spend a lot of alone time with him, by alone time I mean sitting him in front of a TV while I try to nap and hope he just sits still.  Bentley Zephyr Deal is his name, and he wasn't named after the cars.  It's so fucking annoying when people bring up the cars.  Seriously, who the fuck is naming there kid after fucking cars.  I know you people are out there and it's disgusting stop it!!!  If you keep reading you'll see pictures of him I'm sure.  I think I'm a pretty good dad, however unconventional I may be.

I work as an operating engineer at night and watch Ben during the day.  I'm currently working weekends, but that is going to end on Sunday.  I'll be working nights and Carmen will work mornings. It will be hard and tiring, but it avoids childcare cost.  Again if you live in a country where life is cherished then this may not make too much sense.  My job is Ok, I can't complain too much it pays well and I have been able to organize our shop which is now unionized (currently in negotiations).  I don't love this job but I do like having a house and food, and it's a nice apartment and we eat some good food.

I could have condensed it to, "I have a wife, a kid and a job."

So here's to starting something.